Research supports what we know instinctively: empathy is crucial to our relationships with others – from family members to co-workers. Yet, it is all too easy to slip out of an empathetic mode, especially when under pressure.
Practicing empathy can help leaders and managers grow in the ability to develop positive, constructive relationships at work, even under stressful circumstances.
Empathy is the essential element of emotional intelligence, well known to be a differentiating capacity of great leadership. An empathetic approach can aid leaders and managers in a wide range of situations, from creating a positive team dynamic to addressing daily challenges to holding a difficult conversation.
So, what is empathy? And how is it distinguished from sympathy?
Empathy and sympathy are often used inter-changeably. Yet, there is a key difference.
An easy way to break it down is as follows:
Empathy is the ability to understand exactly what another person is going through and relate to those feelings in any given situation; even if your feelings aren’t identical, you are able to put yourself in that person’s shoes. Sympathy is the reaction of feeling pity for another person, rather than being “in it” with them.
As useful tool when trying to learn the difference is to watch Brené Brown’s explainer video on the topic.
As Brown says: “Empathy fuels connection, sympathy drives disconnection.”
From a molecular level, research shows that empathy is actually a biological reaction – it’s a reaction built into our DNA.
Humans are soft wired to feel empathetic towards others, and this is because of something scientists call “mirror neurons.”
Mirror neurons work like this: If you are observing another human’s experience of emotion – whether it be joy, anger, or frustration – the same neurons that are lighting up in their brain will begin to light up in yours.
Researcher Marco Lacoboni says of mirror neurons: “They are obviously essential brain cells for social interactions. Without them, we would likely be blind to the actions, intentions and emotions of other people.”
We are biologically designed to feel empathy for one another. It is a survival mechanism, encouraging us to reach out and support one another. It is the force behind the human desire to help others and a key driver in the desire to belong.
Empathy is an inherent human instinct, and it’s also easy enough to understand, but the power of empathy comes from using your empathetic reactions intentionally with others. This can be especially helpful in a work environment where you are tasked with leading or managing others.
At the core, all work is accomplished through a series of conversations and communications. Learning the art and skill of mindful and empathetic communication can dramatically improve your effectiveness, eliminate misunderstandings, and build credibility and trust with others.
Oftentimes, we miss connecting on a deeper level because we don’t totally understand where the other person is coming from or how they feel about their current situation. Simple changes to your conversational tactics can help you to cultivate empathy with your colleagues.
Usually, the key to better understanding is improving your listening skills. If our listening isn’t focused and attentive, then our conversations, actions and reactions will miss the mark.
Here are a few tips and tricks to become a better listener:
Once you’ve listened thoroughly and you understand your colleague’s situation, you are now tasked with an empathetic response.
Try following these simple steps:
As a result of learning and practicing these simple empathetic conversational skills, you will be able to better understand and support those around you. More than that, those around you will feel understood and supported.
Using empathy is a purposeful choice. It’s something that takes time and practice to master. And, it’s also easy to slip-out of an empathetic mode. Overtime, these skills will become second-nature to you. Until then, how can you notice when you slip away from an empathetic reaction and how can you come back into an empathetic mindset?
Here are two ideas:
Five Simple Mindfulness Techniques
Eventually, as you become more aware of the world around you, you will not only be able to better understand the people you work with and their motivations, but you will also understand your impact on others.
Empathy is an essential skill for leaders. But some may fear that demonstrating empathy could cause you to be seen as “soft.” Psychiatrist Prudy Gourguechon makes it clear in a 2017 Forbes article that this isn’t the case:
“Don’t confuse empathy with making people happy or being nice… Essentially empathy is a neutral data gathering tool that enables you to understand the human environment within which you are operating in business and therefore make better predictions, craft better tactics, inspire loyalty and communicate clearly.”
Empathy allows for a better understanding of others and creates more insightful and impactful leadership. Using empathy strategically means that you can take in all perspectives before you make decisions or take actions.
An empathetic approach to leadership is something to commit to each and every day. Something to practice. Something to work on. A skill to build. A leadership differentiator.
“Without empathy, you can’t build a team or nurture a new generation of leaders. You will not inspire followers or elicit loyalty.”
Dr. Prudy Gourguechon, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who advises leaders in business and finance on the underlying psychology of critical decisions
Using simple conversational tactics, being mindful of the moment, and consistent practice are the first steps down the path of empathetic leadership.
If you’d like to learn more about empathetic leadership, or our programs, workshops, and coaching, please contact us.